The Pawn Contemplates a Move....

Last week, one of the Almighty Tribal Council Members, who shall be known as BratAss, called me at my desk one morning and (surprise, surprise!) it was a conference call with another manager. BratAss took this opportunity to spout at me about something he didn't like that he felt I should be held responsible for (I'm not), I suspect he coerced the other manager into agreeing, then cornered me in my office to spout once again. He then insisted that I drop everything I am doing to attend to his whiny-ass need.

BratAss needs to extract his cranium from his anus, which is a full-time job in and of itself. We are merely a few weeks away form our busiest time of the year. In addition to my every-increasing workload during this time, I have two or three more special projects in my lap in addition to the one he has given me this instant. He wants it done yesterday. He claims it would significantly boost our brand and it is imperative that it be done immediately.

Normally, I would ignore this closet blow-hard, as he is so disorganized that he pretty much forgets what he has his underlings do. HOWEVER, the little assmonger is watching me like a hawk. So I can't really ignore his request, which I should be doing with all my other deadlines looming. Day-after-day, do I a little bit on his "request", and even force myself to go out of my way to give him "updates" and progress reports". It's painful, but by keeping BratAss "informed" pretty much keeps him off my back.

While BratAss continues pressing me on a daily basis for results, I begin to notice that none of the other Tribal Council Members are even asking me about the project. One would think that if a project so big rides so much on our brand, most of the upper management would have a vested interest in its' progress and anticipated outcome. Yet, no other management member seems to notice that the project exists.

Hmmmm. I begin to suspect that BratAss is playing me as a pawn, in an attempt to gain respect, honor, and prove himself to the other Tribal Council Members.

You see, BratAss is the poster child for failure. From what I understand, he's never been able to hold down a job for very long. He has a failed marriage, is currently in a seemingly dysfunctional marriage. BratAss's relationship with his last employer somehow ended badly, as he nearly drove his former employer into the ground financially. He rarely follows through on his own projects, pawning them off on already-overloaded subordinates. That is, if he doesn't drop the ball on his own projects.

How does BratAss stay employed? He's family. But I digress...

I came in to take care of a little extra work over the weekend, and happened to be in the presence of the one-and-only Junior Tribal Council Member. We'll call him Colin. I asked Colin what his thoughts were on my big branding project, just to see if my suspicions about BratAss were correct. I was. Colin acted a little confused regarding my question, so I gave hime the complete run-down on BratAss's special assignment for me. He shook his head and pretty much told me that he and my immediate manager (a Tribal Council Member himself) that that one of my other special projects (pre-"Special Assignment") would cover our branding needs quite nicely.

Jackpot. Just what I needed to hear.

Now the question remains: In What Manner Shall I Most Effectively Call Out BratAss While Keeping a Paycheck? This is a little tricky. If I go overboard, it is not beyond BratAss to harass me until I quit. The Almighty Employer is a great legal tap dancer and has rarely paid unemployment claims. In this crappy economy, I can't afford that risk. If I'm too subtle, I'll have to start getting creative about how to best fend off BratAss.

Perhaps I should go directly to my immediate Tribal Council Member. He's family to BratAss and BratAss has undoubtedly treaded into his territory. If it turns out that the council did approve this branding project, then I shall deploy it immediately and BratAss can just step off. If not, then let the remaining two council members handle it. I suspect that if this were the case, BratAss would lose, since the Tribal Council doesn't exactly work out disputes by playing "Rock Paper Scissors".

Giving Customers the Slip.....

It appears that a couple of employees finally let their customers know exactly what they thought about their employer by printing offensive messages on their purchase receipts. Click here to read more.

Waiting For My Cosmic Kick In The Ass....

Murphy's Law. Karma. Vexes. Jinx. You've heard of it, read about it, and I'm sure it's happened to you. Just when you think things are going well, something comes up and bites you in the ass big time. I'm pretty sure I'm staring Karma in the face right now.

The problem? There isn't one. I have had nothing significant to rant about at all. Things have been a little slow this week. I've been finishing up my tasks early every day this week. There have been very few crises, I've blissfully avoided the pouting brats and blatant stupidity, and the weather has even been beautiful. That being said, I fully expect to get my ass kicked in the workplace any day now.

Just wait.....

Oh, the Irony....

One evening on my way out the door, I spotted these two book titles tucked away in a non-descript location:

• Getting Paid What You're Worth
• 1001 Ways to Create Retail Excitement

Interesting dichotomies, aren't they? I'm sure any retail employee would laugh at this as hard as I have.

Where's The Love?

There used to be a time when loyalty meant something. People would work for certain companies for decades. Companies also valued the contributions of their employees. You don't hear about that happening so much any more.

Example: the Almighty Employer. My co-worker, Mackenzie, pretty much inherited the motherlode of management responsibilities after her manager parted the company on not-so-good terms. How did the Almighty compensate for the increased responsibility? They denied her the raise that she was due for anyway. Guess what? Mackenzie's looking for a way out of there.

Of course, this is a nasty habit that the Almighty Employer doesn't seem terribly interested in breaking. My other co-worker, Gabriella, was in the same situation late last year. Gabriella even went as far as taking up her concerns with one of the Almighty's Tribal Council Members. Council Member's response? Turn around. Walk away. Gabriella never saw a raise and ended up leaving the company shortly therafter.

All the while, the Almighty Employer still wonders why it sees the turnover that it does.

That Orbitz Commercial...

If you spend countless hours in front of the tube like I do, then I'm sure you've seen those "Hide-and-Seek" Orbitz commercials. My favorite happens to be the one where the guy "finds" the seal hiding behind the copy machine.

How funny would it be to have a pet seal following you around at work? Just my $0.02.

Is It So Bad To Want More?

My friend and co-worker--let's call him Bob--has been out of college for 2 to 3 years now. At the time Bob graduated, the economy had its' first inklings of going to crap. Being the optimisitic recent grad Bob was, he set out to find his dream job anyway. That was then. Bob has since settled for a barely-above living wage job just to make ends meet.

These days, Bob is looking for any professional job he qualifies for that pays better than his job with our Almighty Employer. He has a few years of experience under his belt, along with his hard-earned degree, and is still seeking that elusive professional job. The problem? The Almighty Employer seems to think it owns Bob because it needs him.

You see, the Almighty Employer really needs Bob's skill set to keep our internal operations flowing and growing. Although the Almighty knows Bob wishes to someday leave, it is rather peeved at the fact that Bob is actively seeking to move upward professionally. Although the Almighty Employer has no real interest in retaining Bob's talents by paying his worth, it feels it is entitled to Bob and becomes rather aloof when Bob ventures toward a bigger horizon.

This causes a real dilemma for Bob. He has excessive medical expenses that cannot be paid. Bob can barely pay his bills as is and is seeking a second part-time job. The Crappy Health Insurance that Bob pays handsome premiums for each month has already covered what it says it can. In order for Bob to pay off these bills, he would have to defer all his basic living expenses for the next three months. Rent, food, electricity. The basics. Unfortunately for him, he doesn't have that option.

Is the desire to pay basic living and medical expenses a just reason for wanting to leave your current, crappy-pay job? Apparently, the Almighty Employer doesn't think so.